


At Peace

by atlas (cissysullivan)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Swan Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2013-03-19
Packaged: 2017-12-05 19:10:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/726913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cissysullivan/pseuds/atlas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's thoughts after he regains control of his body from Lucifer in Swan Song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At Peace

The light in Dean’s eyes died a long time ago, right around the time Sam started hunting. He remembered he used to look into his brother’s bright green eyes and see a spark there, a flicker of something happy and alive, but the more he looked, the more that spark seemed to fade, grow dim, until it winked out of existence altogether. For years, Sam tried to find that spark again, tried to believe that his brother wasn’t as dead inside as he thought he was, but, no matter how hard he searched, no matter what he did, the light seemed to be gone forever and there was nothing he could do to bring it back.

            Until now.

            Perhaps it was just the sun reflecting off his pupils, making Dean’s ivy eyes look as though they were alive. Perhaps there wasn’t any real light in Dean’s eyes at all. And, really, how could there be? Only a few days ago, he’d had to watch his brother say ‘yes’ to Lucifer. Only a few moments ago, he’d watched his brother snap his fingers and kill his best friend, before snapping the neck of the man, whom had been more of a father to him than his real father had been. Now he was pressed up against the car he called home, beaten and bloody by his brother’s own hand. How could there be any light in Dean’s eyes when any hope he’d had that this plan wouldn’t go sour had been torn away from him the moment Lucifer gained complete control over his brother’s body?

            Yet, there was something there, something gleaming that made Sam’s raised fist unclench, made the dark determination in his eyes disappear, and made him see everything that made this world worth saving, though he had been given every reason, since before he could remember, to let it be destroyed.

            Sam stumbled backwards and Dean slumped to the ground, still leaning up against the impala, but staring at his brother in confusion as he regained control of his body.

            For a moment, Sam couldn’t register what he was seeing: Dean beaten and bloody, Cas gone, and Bobby lying on the dead grass, his neck twisted at an odd angle. Then the images returned to him and he realized, _he_ was the one that did those things. He’d killed Cas, beaten Dean, and killed Bobby. Well, it wasn’t really him, it was Lucifer, but it had been his hands that murdered his friends and bloodied his brother. A look of terror etched itself into his features and he felt as though his feet were rooted to the ground. All he could do was breathe heavily and stare what he had done.

            “It’s okay, Dean,” he gasped out, his voice much stronger than he’d thought it would be. “It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got him.”

            Sam fumbled in his pocket for the rings of the four horsemen. A part of him thought he wouldn’t have them. He’d have though Lucifer would have gotten rid of them as soon as he took control of his body, but he didn’t. They were still there in his pocket and he pulled them out and threw them onto the ground without hesitation. He spoke the words he’d been told to speak and the ground where the rings were dropped away, opening up into a bottomless black hole. Air rushed out of the hole, blowing his hair back.

He was terrified.

Before he could lose his resolve, Sam turned back to his brother. His eye was swollen shut, his face was covered in blood, he could see tears slowly leaking out of the corners of his eyes. He was sad, probably already broken, but he was going to be safe. Everyone on this earth was going to be safe because he was going to throw himself into Hell and everything was going to be alright.

Sam gave Dean a tiny smile before he shut his eyes and committed his brother’s face to memory. He would be in Hell for eternity, but, judging by what Dean had told him, it would feel like longer than that. He wouldn’t allow himself to break or change in any way and he knew the only thing that could keep him from going back on that resolve was the one thing that had saved the world to begin with.

Dean and his unending love for him.

Sam turned around, his eyes still closed, and spread his arms.

For the first time in his life, Sam was at peace.


End file.
